Some Goofy Things to Consider

• I was worried about my upcoming carpal tunnel surgery. “Doctor,” I asked,” will I be able to play the piano after undergoing this procedure?” “Of course you will,” he confidently replied. “That's great,” I said, “because I can't play one now!”

• On the door of the men's bathroom at the senior center is a sign warning us to open the door slowly. The sign is not needed. At our ages, that's the only way we can open the blasted thing!

• I'm at the age when I would prefer a hot bowl of soup to a hot date.

• At my age, a “friend with benefits” can still drive.

• My grandson asked if I had voted for Lincoln. “Of course not!” I protested. “Oh, then you must be a Democrat,” he replied.

• I can do anything now that I could do at twenty; it just takes longer and hurts more.

• My wife asked me to see if her left front turn signal was working. I replied: “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no....”

• If space aliens were ever to check out Washington, D. C., no doubt they would report to their home planet that no intelligent life forms were found there.

• I was extremely popular in high school. As a result, I was the senior class president for four straight years! (Think about it!)

• My wife defended me when our granddaughter said I looked like Frankenstein's monster. “You're wrong, dear,” my better half replied. “The monster has a bolt in its neck.”

• My wife vetoed my choice of a song for the church choir. What's wrong with “100 Bottles of Sacramental Wine on the Wall?” The entire congregation could have sung along.

• This is a typical man's strategy for shopping: “Get in, get what you want, and get out!”

• My wife said I act like a little boy. If she says that one more time, I'll throw her out of my fort.

• When a blind date saw my photograph, she refused to spend the evening with me. “Beauty is only skin deep,” her friend said. “Okay, then let me skin him,” she said.

• To become eligible for the big football game, the star player had to use the word “officiate” in a sentence. “My brother got sick from a fish he ate,” replied the slow-witted running back. He scored three touchdowns that day.

• I don't think my parents liked me. For a bath toy ,they gave me a toaster.

• During my childhood, my parents moved several times, but I was always able to find them.

• Two or three times a year, the church choir director asks me to sing in front of her group. Afterwards, she says to them: “Now, don't sound like that and you'll be just fine.”

• My wife is a city girl who knows nothing about farming. The other day, she wore herself out pumping the tail of my uncle's cow, but got no milk. She said the cow was a “milk dud.”

***** LAUGH A LITTLE; LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO DO OTHERWISE.