Life can be Unfair

 

The other day, while I was waiting to cross a busy intersection, an elderly lady stopped beside me and stared. “You look just like the actor Cary Grant,” she said. This, of course, puffed me up. Then, as we began to cross the street, she added: “Let's see; he's been dead about thirty years, so yes, he probably looks just like you.”

 

• If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive, and all his impersonators would be dead.

 

• If life were fair, we would be able to take retirement when we're young so that we could make the most of it.

 

• If life were fair, God would give Johnny Carson back to us.

 

• My wife's friend said I looked like a movie star- Frankenstein's monster. That's preposterous! I don't have a bolt in my neck! Besides, I've already been told I look like a long-deceased Cary Grant.

 

• If life were fair, the electricity would never go out during a thunderstorm.

 

• My wife gives me no credit for my cooking skills. She calls them “burnt offerings.”

 

• While I was minding my business and singing to myself in the living room, a neighbor called the police. He thought I was torturing a cat.

 

• If life were fair, eating pizza, ice cream, and chocolate candy would make you lose weight.

 

• If life were fair, hair would not grow on one's back or in one's ears and nose.

 

• It might be true, but it's cruel to tell someone their breath could kill a moose.

 

• If life were fair, suffering would always have the payoff of making you stronger or building your character.

 

• It's unfair that most of the best-tasting food is not good for you.

 

• The physical problems we encounter as we age are not fair, but as Mark Twain said, “Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.”

 

• When I was a kid, my parents moved six times, but I was always able to find them!

 

• I don't think my parents cared much about me. For bathtub toys, they gave me a radio and a toaster.

 

• I told my psychiatrist that everybody hates me. He said that can't be true; there are lots of people out there who don't know me.

 

• If life were fair, kids wouldn't get pimples. I remember falling asleep in the library, only to be awakened by a blind guy reading my face.

 

• If life were fair, on cold winter nights, wives wouldn't use their husbands' bodies as foot warmers.

 

• If life were fair, football players would make $50,000 a year, and teachers would be paid millions.

 

• If life were fair, eating potato chips would lower your blood pressure and take inches off your waist.

 

• THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Even when life is unfair, we are about as happy as we choose to be.