Dad Jokes

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

• What rock group has four men, but none of them sing? Mount Rushmore.

• Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

• (This one is for Maggie) What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? “Does this taste funny to you?”

• How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit card.

• What do attorneys wear to court? Law suits.

• What did the sink say to the toilet? “You look a little flushed.”

• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

• What happened when a red ship and a blue ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.

• Why don't ghosts like to go out in the rain? Because it dampens their spirits.

• Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

• What do you call a detective who accidentally solves a case? Sheer Luck Holmes.

• I'm writing a book on reverse psychology. Don't buy it.

• Why couldn't the pony sing? Because he was a little horse.

• What happens to an illegally-parked frog? It gets toad away.

• I just found out I'm color blind. The news came out of the purple.

• Which months of the year have 28 days? All of them.

• Why was the painting sent to jail? Because it was framed.

• How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

• Why was the bottle of ketchup arrested? Because he was watching the salad dressing.

• Why don't pirates take showers before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.

• What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.

• Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up.

• Where do pirates buy their hooks? At second-hand shops.

• * We hope for peace on earth and goodwill to all.