A Misunderstanding

I have enjoyed several years of idle retirement, but recently my wife Bev suggested that I find a job. Perhaps she is tired of being micromanaged in the way she sews and cooks, or maybe she’s upset because I don’t always pick up after myself. Therefore, I found a job at a local bakery, but I didn’t tell her about it until the training period was completed.

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“Dear,” I informed her, “you will be glad to know that I am now gainfully employed at a bakery.”

“That’s wonderful, dear. What do you do?”

“I loaf all day.”

“I know that; working was never one of your strengths. My mother said that you didn’t fear work. In fact, she stated that you’re so brave that you can lie down beside it. Of course, she also said that I should have married that lawyer.”

“Your mom said a lot of things, but I won’t open that can of worms. For the last five days, I’ve been in training to learn how to loaf.”

“You already know how to loaf; if practice makes perfect, you should be an expert.”

“I was taught a specific way to loaf, dear.”

“There’s more than one way to loaf?”

“Of course, the company executives want loafing done their way.”

“Let me get this straight; the company encourages you to loaf?”

“Of course.”

“They pay you for loafing?”

“You bet!”

“You won’t get fired for loafing all day?”

“Heck no! The boss said that if I keep improving my loafing technique, I’ll get a raise! He believes that in time, I could become the best loafer the company has ever had.”

“This sounds like a government job!”

“No, the company is privately owned.”

“We have bills to pay, you know. Just how much dough do they give you to loaf?”

“I can have as much dough as I want! All I have to do is ask for it!”

“Now it sounds like you’re a member of Congress.”

*Sadly, my wife forced me to resign because, according to her, I wasn't “bringing home enough dough.”