Were There Any Ward Cleavers in the '50s and '60s?

A few days ago, I watched a Leave it to Beaver show from the 1950s. The Beaver had been warned to stay out of his father's desk, but he did not listen. As a result, he dumped ink over several of the old man's important papers. Ward punished his son by not allowing him to leave the property on the next Saturday. When Beaver disobeyed by sneaking off to the movies, Ward ruled the kid could not go to the movies for three whole weeks!

Were there any adults like Ward Cleaver during the '50s and '60s? Perhaps so, but I didn't have the good fortune to meet any of them. The adult authority figures I knew operated under the assumption that “sparing the rod will certainly spoil the child.”

If I had destroyed any of Dad's things, even accidentally, he would have removed his thick leather belt and then given me a painful whipping. Therefore, I did everything in my power to stay in his good graces.

One morning during breakfast, Dad complained that although he was tired, his beloved car needed to be polished. His plans were to do the job during the upcoming weekend.

In an attempt to be a good son, I decided the next day to do the job for him. The car barely fit into the garage, so I had to open the garage doors to polish the trunk. Within seconds of applying the polish, the harsh summer sun baked it, forming a layer of dried paste that no amount of wiping could displace.

I immediately imagined what my fate would be when Dad got home. Perhaps Ward Cleaver would have put his arm around the Beaver and even thanked him for trying. Well, from watching lots of TV, I knew all about Ward Cleaver, and let me tell you, my father certainly was no Ward Cleaver. I feared Dad's philosophy was “You can get a son anywhere, but a good car's hard to find.” No doubt, Dad's solution would have involved his leather belt.

I telephoned my sister's boyfriend (and now husband) Ron, begging him to hurry over and help save my life. He was at work, but promised to try to come to my aid before Dad got home. Although our family didn't go to church, I prayed for a just God to deliver Ron on time. I certainly wasn't against going to Heaven, but at the age of 10, I was more than willing to wait a while.

My prayers were answered! By using a bucket of hot soap and water as well as a ton of “elbow grease,” we forced the baked-on polish to give up the ghost. I owe you, Ron!

Again, being a good and basically honest son, I confessed to Dad what I had done. Okay, I waited until the age of forty to tell him, but late is better than never! By then, the statute of limitations had been reached. Moreover, Dad could no longer outrun me!

You know, I bet even Ward's patience would have evaporated under the right conditions. Remember the (false) story about a young George Washington who chopped down his father's cherry tree? He escaped punishment simply because he fessed up: “Father, I cannot tell a lie; I chopped down the cherry tree.” We know this story is false because George later became a politician!

Now imagine a Leave It to Beaver episode in which the Cleaver family rents a cabin in the woods. The conditions are so rustic that the cabin has neither running water nor indoor plumbing. Halfway through the show, Ward, after grabbing a magazine, repairs to the nearby outhouse. Eddie, big brother Wally's friend, who had been invited to join the family on this outing, dares the Beaver to lower his shoulder and run full-speed into the outhouse. When he does so, the tiny building tumbles down the ravine and into the nearby creek.

After the bruised and battered Ward climbs up the hill, he asks the Beaver if he was the one who had committed this dastardly deed. “Yes, sir,” replies the Beaver. “I cannot tell a lie. I did it.”

Ward then takes off his belt to give the Beaver a good whipping. The Beaver protests: “But Dad, George Washington didn't get punished for chopping down his father's cherry tree because he told the truth.”

“That may be so,” bellows the angry father,” but there is a major difference. George's father wasn't in that tree when it was chopped down.”