Noah and the Ark

*God became so disenchanted with human beings that He decided to get rid of (by drowning) all but Noah, his wife, his three sons, and his daughters-in-law.

God: “Noah, I order you to build an ark. On it, you will house two of every animal, a male and a female. I will unleash a great flood. When the waters recede, I will order the animals to go forth and multiply.”

Noah: “Lord, may I have a pass on the skunks? They could make life miserable for my family and for all the other animals.”

God: “You will take two of every animal, including the skunks! This is my command!”

Noah: “Yes, Lord. My wife wants her mom to come along. May I bar that old battleaxe from the boat?

God: “Of course, Noah; I'm not a cruel god.”

Noah: “Thank you, Lord. God, you just ordered me to tell the animals to 'go forth and multiply' once we reach land, but I'm afraid the two snakes you sent me can't do that.”

God: “Why is that, Noah?”

Noah: “Lord, they are adders, not multipliers.”

God: “Luckily for you, Noah, I have a good sense of humor.”

Noah: My Lord, do You think wiping out most of human life will end evil?”

God: “It will, at least until a new set of politicians comes along.”

*Seventy years later, an impatient God checks Noah's progress or lack thereof. Already, He has started the storm with which He plans to wipe out most of humanity:

God: “Noah, what is taking so long? You are a young, vibrant 600-year-old guy who should have finished this project long ago.”

Noah: “I am sorry, Lord, but government red tape is getting in the way. Officials took forty-two years to do an environmental impact study on building such an ark. The IRS seized my property and charged me with attempting to leave the country with endangered species. After seventy years, I'm still waiting for a boat license.

So far, my family and I have not been granted passports.

“ Another government agency says I must have a veterinarian aboard, and it found that the cages we want to use are not regulation size. Still another government entity won't let us sail until we have more human diversity aboard. Today, we received a notice stating we must have passengers representing each known faith.”

*Suddenly, the rains stop. The wind calms as the sky turns a light blue. A beautiful rainbow can be seen.

Noah: Aren't you still planning on destroying the world, Lord?”

God: “No, my son; it's too late. The government has beaten me to it!”