Dear Gabby
* Have a problem? Write to “Dear Gabby.” She might not be able to help you, but she’ll always have an interesting reply to your predicament.
Dear Gabby: My wife is extremely close to her father. Once I asked if her dad and I were both falling out of a plane, and she could only save one of us, which one would it be? I was hurt to the core when she answered “Dad.” What should I do? Answer: Buy a parachute.
Dear Gabby: Ten years ago I met a lady I believed was “Miss Right,” but the marriage ended in just two years. What went wrong? Answer: You did not realize her first name was “Always.”
Dear Gabby: A friend told me that eating carrots improves one’s eyesight. Is that true? Answer: It must be. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Dear Gabby: What would you call a guy at the office who knows nothing but tells everybody else what to do and how to do it? Answer: “Boss.”
Dear Gabby: Alice and I were very happy for the first twenty-five years, but now all we do is fight. What went wrong? Answer: After twenty-five years you met each other.
Dear Gabby: It seems I’m always forgiving my husband for one thing or another. Is that wrong? Answer: No. A good wife is always willing to forgive a husband whenever she’s wrong.
Dear Gabby: My former best friend has stolen my husband. What would be the best revenge? Answer: Let her have him.
Dear Gabby: How can I get my husband to be more attentive and to listen carefully to everything I say? Answer: Talk in your sleep.
Dear Gabby: I believe a man is incomplete until he gets married. Do you agree? Answer: Yes. Then he’s finished.
Dear Gabby: For the last six months my husband has been acting like he is a chicken. Should I be concerned? Answer: No. Just enjoy the free eggs.
Dear Gabby: My wife has been hounding me to take her someplace she’s never been. Any suggestions? Answer: Take her to your kitchen.
Dear Gabby: I’d like to find a 60-year-old man with no major faults. Will this task be difficult? Answer: Why don’t you seek something easier, like world peace?
Dear Gabby: My husband tells me my teeth remind him of the stars. Is this a compliment? Answer: Yes, if he means that they are bright and gleaming. No, if they remind him of stars because they come out at night.
Dear Gabby: Since I work at a bakery, I am allowed to take home as many free cookies as I want. Will they make me fat? Answer: Only if you eat them.
Dear Gabby: There is a new “Divorced Barbie” doll out. What comes with it? Answer: Everything that Ken had owns.
Dear Gabby: Shouldn’t marriage be when two people become one? Answer: Yes, but the problem is deciding which one.
Dear Gabby: How can I learn about all my deficiencies? Answer: Get married.
Dear Gabby: In this country so much emphasis is placed upon physical beauty. Is there any benefit to being ugly? Answer: Yes. You don’t have to buy a Halloween mask.
Dear Gabby: I’ve always wanted to learn about my family history but I have no money to pursue that activity. What should I do? Answer: Run for public office.
Dear Gabby: I weigh over 400 pounds. Is my weight problem simply a result of a lack of willpower? Answer: No. Your problem is most likely due to a lack of “won’t power.”
Dear Gabby: Two friends and I were deep-sea fishing when the boat began to leak. Luckily, we landed on a deserted island before the boat sank. One of my friends, an attorney, swam through shark-infested waters to get help. Unbelievably, not one shark touched him. Can you explain this? Answer: Professional courtesy.
Dear Gabby: My wife of twenty-five years left me and took our dog with her. How will I ever recover from this tragedy? Answer: I don’t know. A good dog is hard to find.
Dear Gabby: I’ve been told that I have bad breath. Is this an awful condition? Answer: It could be worse; you could have no breath at all. Then you would be dead.
Gabby has some witty replies!
ReplyDeleteIt's true that bad breath is better than no breath at all! LOL !!
ReplyDeleteGood point!
ReplyDelete