They Said It

• “He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.” Yogi Berra.

“Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.” Luke 6:37.

“Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not a coincidence.” Erma Bombeck.

“If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” Yogi Berra.

• “It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.” Mark Twain.

• “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” Ann Landers.

• “The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him.” Oscar Wilde.

• “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde.

• “My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” Jack Benny.

• “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Mignon McLaughlin.

• “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” Peter Drucker.

• “There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.” Linda Grayson.

• “Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.” Casey Stengel.

• “If I had known I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.” Mickey Mantle.

• “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” Johnny Carson.

• “When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” Rodney Dangerfield.

• “Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.” George Carlin.

• “If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?” Robin Williams.

• “If you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.” Stan Laurel.

• “Behind every great man,  there's a woman rolling her eyes.” Oliver Hardy.

• “My theory on housework is if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?” Erma Bombeck.

• “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'” Dave Barry.

• “If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.” Erma Bombeck.