Roasting Congress

* ”This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.” Will Rogers.

* “Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” Mark Twain.

* “You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.” Milton Berle.

* “I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a disgrace, that two become a law firm, and that three or more become a congress.” John Adams.

* “I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.” Ronald Reagan.

* “We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex-but Congress can!” Cullen Hightower.

* “It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” Mark Twain.

* “Asking an incumbent member of Congress to vote for term limits is a bit like asking a chicken to vote for Colonel Sanders.” Congressman Bob Inglis.

* “I don’t mind what Congress does as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.” Victor Hugo.

* “The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public’s money.” Alexis de Tocqueville.

* “The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.” Will Rogers.

* “There are 249 millionaires in Congress. See, crime does pay!” Jay Leno.

* “A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take away everything you have.” Thomas Jefferson.

* “We have the right as individuals to give away as much of our own money as we please in charity, but as members of Congress we have no right to appropriate a dollar of the public money.” Davy Crockett.

* “Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.” Will Rogers.

* “Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.” Mark Twain.

* “With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.” Will Rogers.

* “All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.” Mark Twain.

* “No man’s life, liberty or fortune is safe while our legislature is in session.” Benjamin Franklin.

* “The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people. It is an instrument for the people to restrain the government lest it comes to dominate our lives and interests.” Patrick Henry.

* “Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate. Now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?” Will Rogers.

* “Congress-bingo with billions.” Red Skelton.

* “If the present Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour?” Thomas Jefferson.

* “I’m not saying this Congress is bad at its job. I’m just saying that this Congress is equivalent to a skunk with its head in a jar of Skippy peanut butter.” Jon Stewart.

* “Congress is the finest body of men money can buy.” Will Rogers.

* “A new Gallup poll shows that only 1 in 10 Americans approves of the job Congress is doing. A 10 percent rating is about the same approval rating that rabies has.” Jimmy Kimmel.