Back in my Day

 

Grandson: “Grandpa, I have to do a report for school on some old person's early life, so I picked you.”

Grandpa: “That's nice. How old do you think I am?”

Grandson: “I asked my brother. He said you're older than dirt, so I guess you're about 150 or so years old.”

Grandpa: “Well, Billy, you're pretty close. You know, back in my day, we kids usually walked to school and back.”

Grandson: “You didn't ride a bus?”

Grandpa: “Only in bad weather. Of course, back in those days, we rode the school stagecoach.”

Grandson: “Cool!”

Grandpa: “But as I said, usually we walked. We had to be tough back in those days. Both going to school and coming home were uphill. At school, we didn't have fire drills. Instead, we had Indian raid drills. When the alarm was sounded, each student grabbed their gun and poked it out of the designated hole before commencing to fire.”

Grandson: “Your school was sure more interesting than mine.”

Grandpa: “Being at home was no picnic, either. We had one TV set, and when your great-grandfather got home, he controlled what was watched. There were only four TV stations, and their shows were broadcast in glorious black and white. To pick up those stations, great-grandpa had a big silver tower beside the house that seemed to reach to the heavens.”

Grandson: “That sounds pretty primitive.”

Grandpa: “Well, my father did have an automatic TV channel changer.”

Grandson: “They had such a devise way back when?”

Grandpa: “Yes, it was called a son. And you know, Billy, back in my day we didn't have cell phones.”

Grandson: “No! How could you call somebody if you weren't at home?”

Grandpa: “On about every third corner was a box-like structure with a door. Inside was a telephone. For a dime, you could make a call.”

Grandson: “No way!”

Grandpa: “Way! Many years ago, when your dad was about your age, I told him about a college basketball coach who recruited a bunch of players, all of whom averaged over 30 points a game in high school, but didn't know how to play defense. The coach said, 'They couldn't guard Marilyn Monroe in a phone booth.' First, your dad wanted to know what a phone booth is; then he asked, 'What's a Marilyn Monroe?'”

Grandson: “So, what is a Marilyn Monroe, Grandpa?”

Grandpa: “Come back in a decade or two, and I'll explain. The first of my father's cars I remember was a 1953 Chevrolet. It had no power steering, no power brakes, hand cranks for the windows, no air conditioning, and no radio.”

Grandson: “Did it have a steering wheel or a joystick?”

Grandpa: “It did have a steering wheel. And you know, your great- grandmother always gave us kids a choice when it came to meals.”

Grandson: “So, if she made something you didn't like, you could ask for something else?”

Grandpa: “No, it didn't quite work that way. The choices were to take it or leave it.”

Grandson: “Did you like going to school, Grandpa?”

Grandpa: “Yes. As long as you did what you were told, nobody messed with you, but if you didn't behave, they'd haul out the paddle.”

Grandson: “They didn't give you a timeout?”

Grandpa: “Well, after a few swats on the backside, a student wanted to take time out from sitting.”

Grandma enters the room.

Grandma: “Billy, you have to take whatever your grandpa says with a grain of salt. He was an excellent teacher, but he would have been an even better politician.”

Grandson: “Because he speaks so well?”

Grandma: “No, because he sometimes stretches the truth almost to the breaking point.”

Grandson: “Well, Grandpa, I guess it's a good thing you're not Pinocchio.”

Grandpa: “By the way, Billy, did I ever tell you about the time your grandma dated Abraham Lincoln?”

Grandson: “Wow! When was that?”

Grandpa: “Let's see; I'd say about four score and seven years ago.”