This, That, and the Other

• On September 23, 1996, Stanley Dorbo of Waco, Texas, won an argument with his wife! (Believe it or Don't!)

• A liberal network reported the news for three entire minutes before calling Trump a Nazi.

• I was so popular that I was elected high school senior class president five years in a row!

• A politician spoke for over an hour without lying. (Very hard to believe!)

• Mom always gave her kids a choice at mealtime-we could take it or leave it.

• As we age, we get stronger. At 23, I could not hold $30 worth of groceries in one arm. As a senior citizen, I can.

• Wives often complain that their husbands don't listen to them. I think that's what my wife said to me this morning.

• Mary Todders of Sacramento, California, told her husband he was just an overgrown little boy. He retaliated by kicking her out of his fort. (She had it coming!)

• Recently, a flying saucer from the planet Xerox hovered over Washington, D. C. The aliens reported to their home planet that no intelligent life forms were detected. (I bet they were hovering over Congress.)

• Fred Cheevers of Zanesville, Ohio, actually enjoys shopping with his wife. (Could he be an alien from the planet Xerox?)

• If the wind is blowing just right, my wife can smell a popcorn factory from as far away as 80 miles.

• Joe Boulder of Lancaster, Ohio, told his wife she was overreacting. Miraculously, he's still alive and well!

• Even when we disagreed, my wife never considered divorce. (She has occasionally considered murder, however.)

• My doctor is very practical. When I told him I felt pain whenever I lifted my right arm above my head, he told me to stop raising my right arm.

• The same doctor told my wife to watch what she's eating. You should see the new mirror on our breakfast table.

• Jack Spratt of Atlanta, Georgia, recently took what he considered a pleasure trip. He took his mother-in-law to the airport.

• My wife thinks our cat understands her whenever she talks to it. My dog and I had a good laugh over the incident.

• The New York Yankees did not sign me for three minor reasons: I couldn't hit, couldn't run, and couldn't throw.

• Scientists say it is not true that married men live longer than single men. It just seems that way. (Get off my case! It's a joke!)

• Studies show that most women forgive their husbands when the wives are wrong.

• The doctor told my wife to eat no more than one bowl of popcorn per day. She is now the proud owner of a bowl the size of a car tire.