You are getting old if...

 You are getting old if...

• happy hour is your nap time.

• the fire warden limits the number of candles on your birthday cake.

• you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

• your children look middle-aged.

• Depends have replaced Speedos.

• your mind makes contracts that your body can't keep.

• you feel like the morning after, but you haven't been anywhere.

• when walking, your feet make the same sounds as a bowl of Rice Krispies.

• when hiking, vultures follow you

  .

* you sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

* you need a GPS that tells you where you're going and why you're going there.

• you're afraid to visit a museum because they might not let you leave.

• the candles on your cake cost more than the cake.

• your knees buckle, but your belt won't.

• most of your underwear is older than your doctors.

• it takes twice as long to look half as good.

• the only females who pursue you are mosquitoes.

• your back goes out more than you do.

• people say, “You look good for your age.”

• your idea of spending a night out is sitting on the patio.

• there is nothing left to learn the hard way.

• it takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

• someone admires your turtleneck sweater, and then you realize you're not wearing one!

• the only place you hear your favorite songs is in an elevator.

• Your grandson asks if you voted for Lincoln. You say “yes.”

* Age is simply mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!