Poking Fun at Bosses (Although Most of Them Don't Deserve It)

• My boss had a meeting about TEAM BUILDING right after the company fired half the staff.

• “Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.” Anonymous.

• “Pride, commitment, and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” Anonymous.

• My boss is so overpaid that he can afford to buy a kid for his dog to play with.

• Typically, the workers and the boss are in a power struggle. The boss has the power, and the workers struggle.

• “If you think your boss is stupid, remember: You wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.” John Gotti.

• How can you make people believe you're the boss? Just stand around and do nothing.

• I demanded a big increase in my weekly paycheck, so the boss increased the font size.

• “The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those people who are still undecided.” Casey Stengel.

• “In most cases, being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.” Tina Fey.

• In an interview, the boss said, starting today, he'd pay me $15 an hour, and in three months he'draise it to $18. When he asked when I'd like to start, I said, “In three months.”

• “Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.” Doug Larson.

• We call our boss the “computer” because he'll fall asleep within 20 minutes if left unattended.

• “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” Peter Drucker.

• “Having a bad boss isn't your fault. Staying with one is.” Nora Denzel.

• I asked the boss if I could come in late today. “Dream on,” he replied. So I slept until noon.

• “If at first you don't succeed, then try management.” Stephen Hawking.

• My boss said, “Remember, there's no 'I' in team.” I whispered to a co-worker, “And there's not much sign of 'U' in it either.”

• My boss suggested I start the team presentation with humor, so I showed my most recent paycheck on the first slide.

• “No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.” Groucho Marx.

• “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” Earl Nightingale.

• “People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. The leader leads, and the boss drives.” Theodore Roosevelt.

* “Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” Andy Stanley.