Dumb Football Jokes

• Because of poor grades, the star running back for the top college team was ineligible to play against its top rival. The English professor decided to give the player a chance to regain his eligibility. “Since you play football, I'll ask you to use the word 'officiate' in a sentence. If you can do so, you'll be able to play on Saturday.” After a thoughtful moment, the player replied, “Duh, my brother got sick from a fish he ate.” He scored three touchdowns in the big game.

• What happens to football players who go blind? They become refs.

• What do you call an offensive lineman's kid? A chip off the old blocker.

* A little boy was at the center of a custody battle. “Billy, I've decided to give custody to your mother,” said the judge. “Please don't do that, your honor,” the boy replied. “Why not?” the judge inquired. “Because she beats me!” “Well, in that case, your father will get custody.” “But he beats me too!” “Then who do you want to have custody?” Billy replied, “I want the Cleveland Browns to have custody.” The startled judge asked, “Why the Browns?” Billy answered, “Because the Browns don't beat anybody.” (And I am a life-long Browns fan!)

• For his birthday, a Browns receiver asked his wife to take him someplace he had never been. She had a picnic for him in the end zone.

• My wife knows nothing about football. Recently I took her to a game. She asked, “Why do the fans care so much about a little change?” “What do you mean, dear?” “They were yelling, 'Get the quarter back!'”

• Why was Cinderella considered to be such a lousy football player? Because she was always running away from the ball (think about it).

* The next day, the Wolverines would be playing their arch rivals. The Ann Arbor grade school teacher asked how many of her students were Michigan fans. All but little Billy raised their hands. “Why aren't you a Michigan fan?” the teacher asked. Billy replied, “Well, my father is an Ohio State fan, my mother is an Ohio State fan, and my big brother is an Ohio State fan, so I'm an Ohio State fan too.” Agitated, the teacher responded, “What if your father was a moron, your mother was a moron, and your big brother was a moron? What would that make you?” Billy answered, “That would make me a Michigan fan, teacher.” (If you're a Michigan fan, feel free to switch the names).

• What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking beer and watching a football game.

• What runs around a football stadium but never moves? A fence.

• Why did the football quit the team? He was tired of getting kicked around.

• Why are the Cleveland Browns like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

• Why can't football players wear glasses on the field? Because football is a contact sport.

• What does the football say to the punter? “I get a kick out of you!”

• What do you call a Cleveland Browns' player who is wearing a Super Bowl ring? A thief.

• Why did Cinderella never improve her football skills? Because her coach was a pumpkin.

• What do the Cincinnati Bengals (I decided to give the Browns a rest) and Chick-Fil-A workers have in common? They don't show up for work on Sundays.

• Why do football players never get too hot? Because they're surrounded by “fans.”

• What did the receiver say to the football? “Catch you later.”